


Hot Coco

by ZombieliciousXIII



Series: Tumblr Requests! [51]
Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 19:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5598943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieliciousXIII/pseuds/ZombieliciousXIII
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr request: "Anonymous: Can you do where Y/N cuts and Andy comes home from your early and found her cutting and he like cuddles her and shows her she's loved (sorry this is the first time send a request it's sucks)"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Coco

**Author's Note:**

> I think this request is absolutely beautiful and I hope it helps someone in some way to remind them that, yes, are loved! No matter how you feel (of what fuck faces may tell you) you ARE loved, so much so because even if it doesn't feel like it, I for one can promise you I love you. Never forget that, you amazing person. I'm delving into old (and current) feelings while writing this, so I'm sorry if it's depressing, if it happens to feel like it may trigger you please DO NOT read!
> 
> P.S. I wasn't sure if they were in a relationship of not, so I don't explicitly mention it but they are roommates and they do love each other (platonically or otherwise, you can read into that!)
> 
> WARNING: SELF-HARM, POSSIBLE TRIGGERS, DEPRESSION

 

You sigh, today wasn't one of your better days, no matter how much you smiled. You lay sprawled out on your bed listening your favorite band, the air around you feels stale and everything seems dull. You felt the ground for living was starting to slip, it was scary to think that what held you up for so long might not be enough anymore; you were always just so numb. Why were you so numb? Numb to the point that the only thing that ever made you feel alive was a blade to your skin, but why? You had someone who loved you and yet...you couldn't fight off this fucking consuming numbness.

"Fuck..." you sigh, you tried to ignore the itch your skin felt and the pain within your chest - but you couldn't.

That's it. You shot off your bed, storming towards the bathroom down the hall from your bedroom you lock the door behind you. Peeling the skin case cover off your iPhone, you watch as two blades fall onto the sink counter.  You knew Andy could be home soon and that you'd need to smile he'd suspect something's wrong, you can't let him know...he could _never_ know. Sitting down on the bathroom floor you pull down your pants, the scars that marked your thighs would never disappear, that you knew. Each discolored and uneven line only added to the voices that screamed horrible things at you, reminding you over and over how pathetic you were.

' _Cut, it'll make everything better; it'll make_ you  _better..._ ' you knew your thoughts were right, it would be better if you cut.

Picking up one of the blades you held it in between your trembling fingers, pressing it into the skin of your leg and pulled to the side, it wasn't enough though.

' _Useless. Pathetic. Worthless. Waste of space. Fat. Ugly. Whore. Piece of shit. Unwanted.'_

The words kept repeating themselves over and over in your head making the tears spill down your reddened face, why did you believe the voices? Before you knew it your thigh was coated in sticky crimson fluid, the remainder that the only good thing to come out of this was that the voices would finally stop. You felt like you could breathe again, breathe without hating yourself for it. You jolt upon hearing a bang at the door; it was locked, thankfully, so whoever was on the other side couldn't come in.

"H-Hello?" You wince, your voice cracked.

" **Can you please open the door? I don't mean to be rude but I really gotta piss, babe!** " the disembodied voice pleaded, you felt your heart sink.

' _Shit, shit, FUCKING SHIT!'_

You knew Andy was going to come home today, but not _this_ early.

"Okay! J-Just gimme a sec, please!" You quickly reply.

Forcing yourself off the ground you went a paper towel and start wiping your leg clean as fast as you could, wincing at the pain you felt running up your leg when the rough material touched the tender wounds. Finally, you managed to clean your thigh as much as possible and wrapped a towel around your thigh, knowing it would take a while longer for the cuts to stop bleeding but you didn't have time. Pulling up your pants, careful not to let the towel fall,  you grab your razors and quickly place them back in your phone case before pulling the skin over them. Cursing when one of them sliced your finger. Funny, isn't it? Or maybe ironic that a cut to the finger makes you wince in pain but a slash on your body makes you sigh in relief.

" **PLEASE TO EVERYTHING HOLY HURRY UP, (Y/N)!** " Andy cries out, pounding against the lavatory door.

"Okay, okay, I'm done!" You call back, opening the door your fear of being found out still prominent.

"Sorry Babe!" he quickly says, pecking your lips before jetting into the restroom.

Andy slams the door, not bothering to lock it when you hear him yell 'finally!' in relief. You can't help but chuckle, shaking your head you limp back to the bedroom. You shut the door behind you and you lean against it, heart in your throat. You were lucky you had locked the door, what would you have done if Andy found out? What if he thought you were a freak? Or worse, a weak person? He would always tell you how strong you were, you had no idea how you'd react if he ever took back the _one_ thing that made you feel happy about yourself.

Pulling off every piece of clothing that hung off you, you pause while staring at your reflection. Your (Y/CE) eyes hovering over the scars your body contained, gently pulling off the towel you wince as some cuts held onto the material but you sigh in relief noticing that nearly all the cuts had stopped bleeding. You felt a twang of pain within you when you knew the voices where seconds away from commenting on your dreadful form, calling you all those hideous names you feared were true. No matter how much you told yourself otherwise. Shaking your head you quickly throw on a loose pair of sweatpants and a large and lose purple hoodie, you felt like sinking into yourself, to not be noticed. You move to leave your room, walking back down the hallway you stop at the bathroom, knocking on it you call out.

"Hey Andy I'm going to make some hot coco, want some?" You ask, waiting for a response.

" **Yes please!** " Andy calls back a moment later.

With that you head further down the hall and make your way into the kitchen, your shared apartment wasn't big but you happily called it home. Walking over to the cupboard you pull out powder coco and move over to the fridge to grab some almond milk, grabbing a pot you begin to slowly stir the powder and liquid watching them combine and crate a lovely chocolate smell. It didn't take long to make the  two cups of hot chocolate, but once you had begun sipping on your you began to feel a little uneasy.It was strange that  Andy hadn't come out of the bathroom yet, and while he may have been small enough to actually _fall in,_ you doubted he really would. Setting down the mug you walked back, up the hall and stopped at the bathroom, fidgeting a moment with your sleeves before knocking. Nothing.

' _That's strange..._ ' you can't help but think.

Suddenly the bathroom door flung open, you jump in surprise but breathe a sigh of relief, hand over your chest as you speak.

"Andy you scared the shit outta me," you say with a breathy chuckle, Andy smiles softly at you.

"Sorry, didn't mean to..." he trails off, suddenly enveloping you in a tight hug. "You know I love you, right?"

You hug him back but were caught off guard by his words, "A-Andy?" you stutter out, pulling back to look up at him, unsure.

"Please tell me you know that I love and care about you, no matter what?" His voice matched his pleading orbs, you felt your heart stutter and could do nothing but nod.

"Say it, please..."

"I know, I love you too," you reply softly, his hands were still tight on your forearms.

Pulling you into another long and strong hug the singer releases you, "how about that hot coco?" He asks, a little more relaxed than he had been.

"Sure," you reply as normally as you could, despite feeling your heart about to beat out of your chest.

You and Andy make you way back into the kitchen, both perched up on the kitchen island, the two of you sipped silently on the chocolaty liquid and while Andy seemed relaxed, you couldn't help feeling unsettled by his sudden outburst earlier - if you could really call it that. Maybe you were just over thinking things, like you always did, maybe he was just-

"(Y/N), I need to ask you something..."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Why?" He questions, pausing with a sigh before adding. "Why...why do you hurt yourself?"

That was a punch to the gut and you felt a little winded by it.

"What?"

Andy's blue eyes flick over to you, sadness marring his face.

"I saw blood on the floor and while I had my suspicions I didn't believe them, I didn't _want_ to believe them but...I can't keep turning a blind eye."

"I-I don't-" you stop yourself, choking on tears that were no doubt about to fall.

Andy places his mug down on the counter and jumps down, walking over to you he stands in between your legs, mindful of your thighs. While you knew he wouldn't know where you'd cut, it must have been a guess, but you were thankful. 

"I know how much things can suck, how much the world can feel like it's crushing you, how much your _mind_ can fucking crush you but...please, (Y/N), stop," The inky-haired young man begs, looking up at you with nothing but love. "If not for yourself then for me," His words were soft, the sincerity in them made you cry harder.

"I can't...Andy I just can't," you softly sob, wrapping your arms around yourself.

There was no point in lying now.

"It's the only things that let me feel something other than the pain that's eating me up inside, makes the damn voices _shut up_..." you whisper, voice too hoarse to speak any louder.

Andy gently reaches for your arms, undoing them he hugs you, gently but still firmly.

"I don't want to lose you, (Y/N), you may not think it...or even _care_ but I do," he says, burying his face in your chest. "It'll kill you and you're one of the fucking _few_ things in my life that matter to me."

Your mind was a mess, Andy's words and your inner demons battling on worn out ground. Had you honestly made something that could kill you your only hope? You couldn't deny it, cutting was like a drug to you and sense told you it needed to stop because no matter what you told yourself, a part of your knew that one day you'd go too far. Your evil mind would tell you that the world didn't need you, that crossing the line would be a _good thing,_ but there was always that other, smaller, voice within you that told you no, no, the world _did_ need you and that you _deserved_ to live - no matter how hard it was to really believe. Then there was Andy, hugging you with all his might and telling you that yes, yes you _did_ matter and they he loved you, that even if you thought no one did, _he did._

"No matter how you feel (Y/N), no matter what happens, you'll always matter if not to anyone else then to me," the words rung louder than any voice in your head.

For once in your life you felt nothing but happiness well up inside, no sadness, emptiness, numbness, none of them.

Instead, for the first time in years, you felt hope.


End file.
